Hard to tell from here.

Hey all.
It has been awhile since I posted, and if anyone is following my rants, please respond.

Today's rant will be about my favorite subject to pick on: Women. More specifically: My Woman.

First, let me say, with every fiber of my being, I could not love this woman more. She has been with me for many years and has given herself wholly to the success of our family. Furthermore, she loves me to the same degree. I applaud her loyalty, and her unyielding capability to put up with me, as I am not the easy-going, carefree guy I appear to be in these posts. Having said that, lets move on to the more important discussion of how I don't understand her one iota, and she can read me like a Fun with Dick and Jane short story. She knows me as well as George Bush knows how to be a moron. I, on the other hand, couldn't figure out what she's thinking if I had nine Al-Qaeda interrogators, two psychic detectives and her own autobiography. She is more complex than my inferior male brain can comprehend. Why? I'm a pretty smart guy. I can crunch numbers, ponder truths and debate the mysteries of the cosmos with the best of them, yet I cannot tell when its a good time to ask what's for dinner. I believe I speak for men everywhere when I ask: What's up with thats? How? How? How can I be so far detached from the woman I love and will spend the rest of my life with to not now how she is feeling at any given time? Am I that retarded or is she that intricate? What keeps me from being able to compile all the things I've learned about her to make a educated guess as to her mood? Is she happy? Is she sad? Hungry? Horny? Mad? Should I ask how her day was? Should I just pretend that i don't know she's in a bad mood? Do I really know that she is? She is my alter-ego who, while she does the things she does, I've never met. How do I please her? Should I try? I know, for a fact that she could answer these questions about me in her head in about .35 milliseconds. These are not hard questions, but the answers have eluded me for about twelve years now. In my mind's eye she is a million miles ahead and I'm but a tiny speck in her rear view mirror. So when I try to think what's going on in her head I can only think of one response: It's hard to tell from here.